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The string of breakups I endured demonstrated that, for me at least, this strategy wasn't working.
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I'd learned that letting myself kiss the wrong guy set in motion a sort of unwitting hormonal bonding stronger than rational thinking.
If I was going to meet the right man, I decided, I needed to remain chemical-free, to think clearly, to get to know him first. Back then, I'd followed the Hollywood movie model wherein men and women tend to tumble into bed, then into love, and finally into marriage.
I was looking for someone who could see my best self despite my imperfections.
A gentle but strong man with the capacity to become as deeply devoted to me as I would be to him. I suspected it might take awhile to find him in greater Los Angeles, and I was right.
I didn't kiss any of these men, reserving physical contact for the one—I might as well say it—who would eventually win my heart.